Jokes & other funny texts

A Wyoming Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
"Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson, from Rock Springs, Wyoming. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.
"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
"Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
"Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my 'Johnson', so now, I'm, Just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.....

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Balkan career options:
1) Doctor
2) Lawyer
3) Engineer
4) Disgrace to the family

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https://twitter.com/...yoK60y0H0Q&s=19

My wife told me women are better at multi-tasking than men.




So I told her to sit down and shut up.
She couldn't do either.

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Vai...
Poza cu pixurile mi-a amintit că eram odată cu fiică-mea într-un magazin și vine la mine și-mi zice că a găsit un pix pe care trebuie neapărat să-l cumpere, că-i trebuie la școală.

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Anyway:
A cop pulls over two Bulgarians and says “we’re looking for two child molesters”. The Bulgarians look to each other for a moment and reply “we’ll do it.”

I'm white. And did you know somewhere I have a black person in my family tree. Ya, he's still hanging there.

Who did the minions serve from 1933 to 1945?

Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be 2 of them, but now it's a very sensitive subject.

What's a reverse exorcism?
It's when the devil tells the priest to get out the child.

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Edited by TamtamTicaticaPiupiu, 13 January 2024 - 13:48.

Dilema grea...
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 sorin61, on 14 ianuarie 2024 - 19:53, said:

Speak for yourself.



On topic:

Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

What do you call a Mexican girl who converts to Islam?
Dora the Exploder.

A cute little girl walks into a pet store and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"
She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my python weally gives a thit."

Edited by Sabinatu, 15 January 2024 - 11:18.

Cautand telefonul nou..

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Un balar se duce la o shawormerie.
- Fă-mi şi mie una mai mare şi pune mult ardei iute, că am probleme cu respiraţia şi nu pot scuipa bine foc.
Face shawormarul una mare, i-o dă balaurului şi balaurul începe să mănânce.
- Bo$$, tu ai pus chimen?
- Da, de ce?
- Că sunt alergic la chi, chi, chime...
Nu apucă balaurul să termine că scuipă foc şi-l face instant cenuşă pe shawormar .
- OOps, I did it agian, conchide balaurul.  

Dublu standard.. doar fata trebuie sa fie sobra?

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