"submarinele" din WC

Problema este ca nu se mai fac Wc-uri cum se facau inainte..cu gauri largi..sa nu aiba de ce sa se prinda :).
Pana cand mi-am renovat baia nu am avut nici o problema, dar de atunci am intampinat cateva...chm, chm,.."dificultati" (cu toate ca vasul nu are gaura chiar mica).  Un schimb, in unele locuri unde ma duceam si chiar nu puteam sa ma mai abtin(destul de rar..pt ca prefer casa)..they were in big trouble  :D. Solutia e sa tragi apa pana e plictisesti..si daca tot se tine "nesimitul" iei o bucata lighean cu apa si ii dai in cap pana se scufunda.

PS Chiar ca cel mai catrinca thread :lol:

Se pare ca exista si un clasament al excrementelor!
:cya:

Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...



Ghost Shit

You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.



Teflon Coated Shit

Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!



Gooey Shit

This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.



Second Thought Shit

You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.



Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit

This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.



Bali Belly Shit

You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.



Right Now Shit

You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.



King Kong or Commode Choker Shit

This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.



Wet Cheeks Shit

This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.



Wish Shit

You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!



Cement Block or Oh God Shit

You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.



Snake Shit

This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.



Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)

Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.



Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)

You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.



Beer Drunk Shit

This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.



The Frightened Turtle

The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in



The Bungee Shit

The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.



The Ring of Fire Shit

The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.



The Crippler

The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.



The Big Bobber

The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.



The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.



The Incredible Hulk Shit

The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.



The Jack the Ripper Shit

The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.



The Party Pooper

The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.



The Toxic Gas Shit

The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.



Dirty Bowl Shit

The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.



The Windy City Shit

When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.



Oh Shit! Shit

You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!



The Never Ending Shit

It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.



Ouch That Hurt Shit

The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.


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:Jump:
Le aveam si eu mai demult dar le pierdusem..glad to have them back!
:lol:

and here is more shit :D  :D  :D

The Amphibian Turd
This rare turd is so long that half of it is sticking out of the water. The only way to get it to flush is to break it up into small pieces with the nearest stick-like object, usually someone's toothbrush.



The Farty Turd
This shit comes accompanied with numerous farts and squeaks. It usually happens at work with your boss in the next cubical.



The Teflon Turd
This non-stick shit comes out so clean, you don't need any toilet paper.



The Marker Turd
This thick soft turd leaves a trail of skid mark type evidence in the bowl, but it usually only happens around your mother-in-law's house.



The Second-Coming Turd
You know how it is, you've finished, you wipe-up, you pull up your trousers, then you need to go again..



The Sticky Turd
This shit is so sticky, you use up a whole roll of arse-wipe and then eventually have to use the shower hose to get it clean.



The Garden Turd
There is a queue for the toilet, you are desperate, and it's already half way out. Only one option - Dump it in the back yard.



The Million Dollar Turd
There is a queue for the toilet, you are desperate, it's already half way out, and you have no garden. This is the turd you would pay a million dollars to drop.



The Phantom Turd
You felt it come out, but when you look down, there's no turd in the pan.



The Sweetcorn Turd
You've been eating plenty of sweetcorn so your turd looks like a brown version of a corn-on-the-cob.



The Peanut Turd
You've been eating lots of peanuts, and you can feel them when you wipe-up.



The Upper class Turd
It doesn't matter what this guy's eaten, his shit don't stink.



The Red-Eye Turd
Man - this turd is at least twice the size of your areshole. It's so big you have to call a midwife to help with the delivery. Your eyes turn red, you scream in terror as you feel sure this one will rip you in half before it hits the water. When you wipe your arse, along with the poo, there is a whole heap of blood as well.



The Napalm Turd
It sticks and it burns. This merciless killer is fired from high above and destroys a wide area in one hit. In case of contact with skin, rinse immediately with plenty of water and seek medical attention.



The Unconscious Turd
After a night down the pub, you fall drunkenly asleep on a park bench. You wake up in the morning to find a turd in your pants.



The Exploding Head Turd
You strain and you squeeze, you squeeze and you strain, you need a pair of forceps to get it out before your head explodes.



The Fountain Turd
This bog-rocket shoots out your arse like a Scud missile, and sends a high-powered jet of water upwards which instinctively hits you right in the ring-piece.



The Feminist Turd
It doesn't matter how it comes out or what it looks like, it's always a man's fault.



The Floater
Flush after flush, this bugger refuses to die. The only way to get rid of it is to pick it up and toss it out the window.



The Immortal Turd
You walk into a public toilet, there is only one cubical and you come face to face with the previous occupant's floater! What do you do? You can't dump on top of it because you might do a 'fountain' contaminated with other persons turd-wash. So you spend the next 10 minuets trying to flush someone else's turd that wont die.



The Liquid Turd
This is not a turd, it's more of a brown-tinged transparent oily type substance that squirts over your arse-cheeks, the seat, the rim, everywhere except into the water.



The Machine-Gun Turd
This turd is essentially a liquid turd, except for the periodic interruption of the solid lumps shooting out in a rhythmic pattern.



The Coil Turd
A very long and continuous soft turd, about the width of a pencil which coils up at the bottom of the pan. Usually accompanied by a soft whimper from the poor unfortunate donator.



The Surprise Turd
This turd only occurs in places where there are no toilets, and no possible way of cleaning yourself. You think it's just a fart, but then that’s the surprise.



The Klingon Turd
This turd clings to your ring-piece no matter how much you shake and jump up and down. Even 'biting' at it with you sphincter muscle won't shake it loose.



The Alien Turd
You look down and say "No way did that come from my arse!". All the evidence is there but you still refuse to believe that you could have dropped such a strange looking turd.



The Two-Part Turd
You shit so much that you have to flush and then carry on shitting.



The Pebble Turd
You strain for hours, but all you can get out is one tiny little pebble sized plop.



The Peek-a-Boo Turd
You get this turd half way out, then it shoots straight back inside.

aye-aye sir!

hm, asteptam creativitate aici, si nu copy/paste.

da-le un laxativ cind se aseaza la monitor

ciocolax din partea casei... ;-)

sunt mai ieftine doapele de pluta.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

01. Pui un afis pe usa: "WC stricat";
02. Tragi cu pusca cu alice in "submarine", astfel se ingreuneaza si se lasa la fund; un fel de new level pt. Counter;
03. Un generator de ultrasunete;
04. Teleportarea "submarinului" in WC-ul celui care l-a produs (pe baza ADN);
05. Distribuire de pampersi la intrare cu invitatia de a-i folosi cu incredere;
06. Lansarea automata a torpilelor anti-"submarin";
07. Crearea unei atmosfere infricosatoare, astfel incat cand au intrat in WC, sa faca pe ei de frica;
08. Crearea unei atmosfere vesele, astfel incat cand au intrat in WC, sa faca pe ei de ras;
09. Fixarea pe fundul vasului a unui dispozitiv care analizeaza "submarinul" si daca considera ca este "submarin"-problema (prin analiza densitatii), il lanseaza inapoi spre "locul de origine";
10. Langa WC sa fie o camaruta, bine ascunsa, in care sa stea pe rand cate un politician flamand, astfel incat, dupa ce persoana a iesit din WC, sa intre el repede, si... "Pofta buna!", ca astia il considera extraordinar de bun;
11. In loc de apa, foloseste H2SO4 98%. In mod sigur va dizolva si submarinele (si canalizarea pe o raza de 2 Km);
12. In fundul vasului sa fie un exploziv care detoneaza in contact cu materia organica (cred ca merge chiar cu celebrul azotat de amoniu);
13. Modifici vasul a.i. toata lumea sa faca in pungi care se vor inchide ermetic, si se vor restitui la iesire;
14. Instalezi un radar de "submarine", iar daca apare unul, va porni o alarma rasunatoare, si toata lumea va veni acolo buluc, sa-l faca pe "constructor" de ras;
15. Le mai dai o ora gratis de internet/jocuri celor care isi recupereaza singuri "submarinele", punanadu-le in pungi de plastic. Evident ca trebuie sa-ti arate dovada, ca sa castige premiul;
16. O trapa in fata vasului, sa cada in tepe cel care indrazneste sa faca "submarine" (WC-ul mortii);
17. Angajarea unui telepat/clar-vazator/hipnotizator, sa poata anticipa daca persoana respectiva va produce "submarine", iar daca va produce, il va hipnotiza sa renunte si-i va induce si o constipatie cronica;

Mai vrei?

uite si o clasificare in romana ... 12 categorii
(tot copy-paste) ... dar e tare de tot

Tipuri de ••••• (atentie nu este pentru tipii fini)

1.Cacatul fantoma: Stii cu siguranta ca l-ai facut. Urme ale sale sunt pe hârtia igienica dar în WC nu este nici urma de •••••. Mai poate fi numit si cacatul Torpedo atunci când a fost auzit cazând în apa din WC...

2.Cacatul teflon: Vine matasos si moale ca nici nu îti dai seama. Pe hârtia igienica nu sunt urme de •••••. Pentru a fi sigur ca a fost facut trebuie sa te uiti în WC...

3.Cacatul caucuiucat: Are consistenta bitumului fierbinte si lasa urme gretoase pe faianta WC-ului. De stergi de cel putin 18 ori la cur si acesta nu este înca curat. Trebuie sa îti bagi hârtie igienica în chiloti pentru a nu-i umple de •••••.

4.Cacatul cu aprindere întârziata: Tocmai te-ai sters la cur si te-ai ridicat în picioare...când vine tura urmatoare...

5.Cacatul sarpe: Alunecos de grosimea degetuli mare si are o lungime de cel putin 50 de centimetrii. Are un potential ridicat (la fel ca si cacatul fantoma) de "••••• Torpedo"...

6.Cacatul pluta: Mai este cunoscut si sub numele de "înotatorul". Desi ai tras apa de trei ori el pluteste înca în WC. Doamne! Cum te poti scapa de el? Nu se lasa nicidecum luat de apa. Apare de obicei peste tot, numai în propria locuinta nu...

7.Cacatul dorinta: Parca ai avea furici în intestine. Transpiri, te basesti, faci totul...în afara de a te caca...apare de obicei la petreceri când te nevoieste sa ocupi WC-ul un timp îndelungat.

8.Cacatul buci-umede: Aceasta specie derivata loveste apa din WC cu o viteza ridicata si la un unghi înclinat astfel încât îti umezeste bucile curului...Cel mai rau la aceasta specie de ••••• este ca nu ai niciodata certitudinea daca umezeala de pe bucile tale este apa sau •••••...

9.Cacatul "bloc de ciment": Ma este denumit si cacatul "Doamne-Dumnezeule!". Imediat dupa ce ai început sa-l faci îti doresti din tot sufletul sa îti fi facut în prealabil o anestezie locala.

10.Cacatul King Kong: Mai este cunoscut si sub numele de "••••• elefant". Este asa de mare încât refuza sa dispara în canalizare înainte de a fi maruntit(se recomanda folosirea unui umeras de haine). La fel ca si "cacatul pluta" nu apre decât atunci când te aflii într-un WC strain.

11.Cacatul hemoragie-craniana-interna: Aceasta forma de ••••• l-a ucis pe Elvis. El vine de abia dupa eforturi îndelungate ai schimbat culori de la rosu la verde si apoi albastru.

12.Cacatul bere: Una din cele mai rele dar si una din cele mai raspândite forme de •••••. Apare în ziua urmatoare noptii de dinainte. ĂŽn mod obisnuit nici nu miroase asa de rau, dar aparentele înseala. WC-ul este stropit cu el de sus pâna jos de parca ai fi tras cu o flinta cu alice. Te si miri ca din gaura curului tau cacatul poate fi împrastiat în atâtea directii. Dupa aceea observi ca hârtia igienica s-a terminat si closetul nu este prevazut cu o perie. Apare la fel ca si alte forme numai în WC-uri straine.

tre sa cumperi urmatoarele:
1. masca de sudor probabil pana in 500.000
2. manusi de pescar , astea nu stiu cat costa
3. un prelungitor ca sa ajunga pana in WC. Cre ca e pana in 100 mii
4. un mixer din ala de facut frisca da' sa fie cu trei viteze (in jur de 2 milioane).
Spor la treaba!!! Parerea mea e ca te scoti mai ieftin decat sa chemi un vidanjor in fiecare zi.

skullpder: clar, asta am zis si eu ca e solutia. maruntit/tocat cu atentie sa nu sara in jur

pune alifie de-aia chinezeasca pe capac. il gasesc toti dracii pe ala care se aseaza.

o sa il recunosti usor dupa aia, e ala care nu poate sta jos :D

"The Big Bobber

The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface"


cred ca asta caracterizeaza cel mai bine "submarinele" ...

din pacate la cat de funny pare faza atat e de reala ... si grava ...

oricum o veste buna . dupa 2 zile de tras apa se lasa la fund .... eu oricum sper ca unii sa nu vina la net special pentru asta ...

am sa raportez ... :D ... pe parcurs actiunile luate si daca au functionat metodele aplicate

incearca cu incredere alifia aia chinezeasca.. provoaca cele mai mari chinuri known to man, in zonele respective :)

Quote

Hmmm, explicatie: nu mi-am facut cont numai pt. acest thread (ci forumul, in general, mi s-a parut f. interesant si util), nu sunt cunoscatoare, iar acest thread mi s-a parut f. amuzant.
Atat.
Mai sunt necesare si alte explicatii pt. faptul ca am postat prima oara aici? :)

Sfatu' meu: Pui o galeata langa weceu si un afis. a se folosi cu incredere... plina ... peste ei... mama lor de submarini