Aberatii nocturne.

Ma mai apuca din cand in cand.
Asa ca ma apuc sa scriu.
Am cautat un topic specific dar nu am gasit unul care sa se potriveasca. Sper sa nu deranjez pe nimeni postand aici.

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They say that light always finds it's way through the darkness. No matter what. I strongly doubt that. No matter how bright the light might be, sometimes, it just can't break the dark. As in life. Doesen't matter how hard you try, doesen't matter how bad you want to, doesen't even matter how much it means to you, sometimes...you just can't do it. Do what ? Take it all in. I find myself at yet another milestone set by fate in this miserable thing they call life. And although every attemp to overcome the situation, nothing seems to work. Maybe that's just the way it's supposed to be! Is it ? Destiny is a big word. Too big to use each and every something happens. They also say that you can not change fate. Really ? What is the purpose in having something if you just can't change it? It doesen't always go as you've planned, it doesen't allways work and most likely, you almost never get what yhou wished for.  The irony of having a destiny but not being able to change it seems to big. Too big not to think twice before each and every step you take. Each and every word and action can cause your fate to change. Or does it ? Maybe I'll never know, maybe I'm better off not knowing.

How am I supposed to accept something that in theory should have never again happened? How? Nothing comes easy and especially accepting this. Right when I thought that I wouldn't have to go through this again, here I am, writing this text, feeling like the last time "fate" thought it was about time for another kick in the head. How can you deal with something that brings one so much pain, so less closure and most of all so much sadness? I sure can't. Oh and I've tried, trust me. Over and over. But every time I tell myself that this is it, I'm over, it's finally done, I'm all better, everything is in the past and that the whole inside of me needs no filling then, night comes, and with it, the darkness. All the lights are out, silence kicks in and then I lay my head down and close my eyes. Surrounded by all that darkness, the "fun begins"... Memories, thoughts, stories, ideas, they all come rushing in my head, shattering every bit of certitude I rounded up during the day, every hope, every dream. Like a storm starting, the storm inside me picks up where it left off the other night. Paralized inside, any attempt to stop it is useless. All I can do is wait it out. When it's finally over I can hear and feel my herat beting so fast and so hard also my head pounding. Then I know: it's just one of the many other nights when i try to close my eyes and fall asleep but you forbid me. It's happened again and most certainly it will continue to happen for a long, long time. Nothing I can do. Just close my eyes again, embrace the darkness and hope that maybe one day you will be the light that shatters my darkness...

Since always, darkness not light was the mother of everything new. A light to strong can only burn you.