Jokes & other funny texts

Hai man, te rog eu sa pui pozele astea pe altundeva, vezi ca titlul e jokes and other funny texts. Pana sa apari tu nu punea nimeni poze decat daca avea si un banc in ele.

[ https://66.media.tumblr.com/6e74a15ad251b725b40e3b9a8ac38628/tumblr_pgmfrsUYmZ1ud898p_1280.jpg - Pentru incarcare in pagina (embed) Click aici ]

[ https://66.media.tumblr.com/e4279a9ade6762abec0d2b9a670b584f/tumblr_pgzsycY2Pn1v2clsk_540.jpg - Pentru incarcare in pagina (embed) Click aici ]

Mizu, on 10 februarie 2019 - 17:14, said:

Daca ii scrii in engleza poate intelege ....

Tfmercedez and another guy were out walking their dogs on a hot day when they pass by a bar. The guy says, “Let’s go in there for a pint.”
Tfmercedez says, “They won’t let us in with our dogs.”
Guy: “Sure they will, just follow my lead.”
He goes up to the pub, and sure enough, the bouncer says, “I can’t let you in here with that dog.”
He replies, “Oh, I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer says, “Ok then, come on in.”
Tfmercedez sees this and does the same thing. The bouncer says, “You can’t come in here with a dog.”
He replies, “I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer responds, “You have a Chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?”
Tfmercedez exclaims, “They gave me a Chihuahua?”

Mizu, on 12 februarie 2019 - 18:28, said:

Pretty nasty...Not funny, man...
Anyway, speaking of Chihuahua:

Mizu notices a monkey has climbed up his backyard tree. He goes online and finds a man named tfmercedez who specializes in monkey trapping and removal.
When tfmercedez arrives at the house he shows up with a stick, a set of handcuffs, a Chihuahua, and a shotgun.
He tells Mizu "I'm going to climb up in the tree and use this stick to hit the monkey until it falls out of the tree. When it lands, the trained Chihuahua will viciously lunge for the monkey's genitals and when it attempts to protect himself I will slap on the handcuffs."

Mizu, a little confused, says "That's crazy enough it just might work, but what’s the shotgun for?"

“In case I fall out of the tree first.... you must then shoot the Chihuahua."

[ https://66.media.tumblr.com/6084c74e0566df12af9920af9fe270a3/tumblr_pkq3ul1auU1u3yobi_1280.jpg - Pentru incarcare in pagina (embed) Click aici ]

[ https://66.media.tumblr.com/6abc2c7a6d657bdf482ac61b93fe96f4/tumblr_pkv6l1MMPJ1u3yobi_1280.jpg - Pentru incarcare in pagina (embed) Click aici ]

[ https://66.media.tumblr.com/ead6c11b0fec20d1e316e523169641ca/tumblr_pm5sehnSkD1u3yobi_640.jpg - Pentru incarcare in pagina (embed) Click aici ][ https://66.media.tumblr.com/4e999895abb99ab77cdd708ba288b2de/tumblr_pm1u07Uwjn1vf3m5w_1280.jpg - Pentru incarcare in pagina (embed) Click aici ]

M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
Chuck Norris narrates Morgan Freeman's life.

[ https://66.media.tumblr.com/ce1aac3207215e58100ec5793ed6cd9b/tumblr_pmjgphswiB1vf3m5w_1280.jpg - Pentru incarcare in pagina (embed) Click aici ]

[ https://66.media.tumblr.com/af7c5dac5383b093c52cc9011f40bb8e/tumblr_pflhi7cHvx1w90k24_1280.jpg - Pentru incarcare in pagina (embed) Click aici ]

A kid asks his mom, "How was I born?"
The mother replies, "Well, your dad and I took a little seed. We made a hole on the ground and covered it with earth. We watered it and took care of it. After some time, a plant came out of the ground and started to grow leaves. After a while the plant had a sweet aromatic bud. We took the bud and smoked them and then we got so high that we fucked without a condom. And that's how you were born."

Bula, in China, se ia la bataie cu un ninja. Se bat ei ce se bat si se hotarasc sa dea fiecare cate o lovitura. Care da mai tare, ala e mai bun.
"Bang!" loveste ninja. Bula doarme vreo doua zile. Se trezeste el si intreaba:
-Ce-a fost asta, ma?
-"Cheia dragonului"...
"Bang!" si Bula una in gura chinezului. Se trezeste ninja peste vreo doua saptamani.
-Ce-a fost asta, ma?!!
-Cheia franceza.

[ https://66.media.tumblr.com/5302b190e55464fec3918d1c445883f7/tumblr_picgo3lywM1r868elo1_1280.jpg - Pentru incarcare in pagina (embed) Click aici ]

tfmercedez, on 23 februarie 2019 - 14:49, said:

Geniala asta! Cum fac sa dau mai multe like-uri?

popicoo, on 23 februarie 2019 - 20:43, said:

tu faci misto? Imediat intra mizu&sabinatu sa comenteze ca "ce glume de autobaza"..

What?!

Nu-ti pica mana daca o puneai acolo unde pune toata lumea imaginile asta, pe topicul de imagini amuzante.

Old Turkish joke

One day Temel, the truck driver, while driving down a hill realizes that his brakes are not working. The truck is going faster and faster, until he reaches an intersection.
Temel looks around.
On his right, there is a child; on his left, there is a bazaar with more than 100 people. As a “clever” man, Temel chooses to drive towards the child instead of the bazaar. However, the next day, newspaper headlines read “TEMEL DROVE HIS TRUCK INTO THE BAZAAR, 40 KILLED, 35 INJURED”.
They ask Temel: “How come you commit such an act?”
Temel answers: “Everything happened when the child started to run towards the bazaar”.

So there's a forest,
And a fly was hovering inside the forest. But a fish was watching the fly and thinking "once that fly goes down 6 inches down, I'm gonna catch the fly to have myself a really nice meal. " But what he did not realize is that a bear was watching the fish watching the fly and thinking "once that fish catches the fly, I'm gonna catch the fish to have myself a really nice meal. " But what the bear did not realize is that a hunter was watching him watching the fish watching the fly, and thinking "once that fly goes down 6 inches and the fish gets the fly and the bear gets the fish" I'm gonna shoot the bear to have myself a really nice meal. But what the hunter did not notice is that the mouse is watching the hunter's sandwich watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly, thinking "once that hunter shoots the bear and drops the sandwitch I'm gonna go to the sandwich to have myself a really nice meal". But what the mouse did not realize is that a cat was watching him, watching the sandwich, watching the bear watching the fish, watching the fly, thinking "once that mouse dives in to the sandwich I'm gonna catch the mouse to have myself a really nice meal". Then this is where it starts, the fly finally goes down 6 inches then suddenly the fish catches it then the bear immediately lunges to the fish, until the hunter shoots the bear and drops the sandwich which made the mouse dive in to the sandwich to have a nice meal, then this is where it all went wrong, just as the cat was about to jump at the mouse to eat it, he accidentally missed his landing and landed at the lake instead.
And i think we all can get a valuable life lesson here.
No matter where you are, What you are, Who you are, When a fly goes down 6 inches,
A pussy's gonna get wet.