Pagini: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118, 119, 120, 121, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, 135, 136, 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142, 143, 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, 149, 150, 151, 152, 153, 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179
Invatatoarea:
- Copii, ce vreti voi sa ajungeti cand veti fi mari?
Raspunsurile sunt diverse: inginer, doctor, tractorist...
Bula:
- Eu vreau sa ma fac psihanalist.
Invatatoarea se simte depasita:
- Bula, ia spune si colegilor ce este aia psihanalist!
- Doamna invatatoare, vedeti, pe banca din fata ferestrei sunt doua femei care mananca inghetata. Una o linge si cealalta o musca... Care credeti ca este maritata?
- Cred ca aia care o linge...
- Eu cred ca aia care are verigheta pe deget, dar imi place cum ganditi...
;uati alinutze de aici
Se pare ca tot mai cititi la PDF ul ala din moment ce nu mai postati...
Lutai unul sec de aici:
Doua fire de nisip merg prin desert. Zice unul:
-Ba, eu cred ca aici e o demonstratie!...
Lutai unul sec de aici:
Doua fire de nisip merg prin desert. Zice unul:
-Ba, eu cred ca aici e o demonstratie!...
Chinese Adam & Eve: If Adam and Eve were Chinese we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.
Un roman se duce sa viziteze Vaticanul. Dupa un timp i se face foame si
incepe sa caute un restaurant. In timp ce cauta il acosteaza un proxenet:
- Hei! Una ragazza, blonda, bella!
Romanul cum nu stia italiana incearca sa ii explice ca el cauta un
restaurant sa manance:
- Papa, papa...
Dupa un timp apare proxenetul din nou:
- Hei! Una ragazza bruna, bella!
Romanul in continuare preocupat de problema lui:
- Papa, papa...
Dupa un alt rastimp apare proxenetul din nou:
- Hei! Papa dice che no, ma io o trovato due cardinali...
incepe sa caute un restaurant. In timp ce cauta il acosteaza un proxenet:
- Hei! Una ragazza, blonda, bella!
Romanul cum nu stia italiana incearca sa ii explice ca el cauta un
restaurant sa manance:
- Papa, papa...
Dupa un timp apare proxenetul din nou:
- Hei! Una ragazza bruna, bella!
Romanul in continuare preocupat de problema lui:
- Papa, papa...
Dupa un alt rastimp apare proxenetul din nou:
- Hei! Papa dice che no, ma io o trovato due cardinali...
Merge o baba bolnava la doctor si ii spune:
- Dom' doctor, ma simt foarte rau, cred ca sunt pe moarte, ajutati-ma.
Doctorul o consulta, apoi se gandeste si ii zice:
- Uite aici un bilet de trimitere la baile de noroi din techirghiol.
- O sa ma vindece doar baia cu noroi?
- Nu, trebuie sa te obisnuiesti cu pamantul!
- Dom' doctor, ma simt foarte rau, cred ca sunt pe moarte, ajutati-ma.
Doctorul o consulta, apoi se gandeste si ii zice:
- Uite aici un bilet de trimitere la baile de noroi din techirghiol.
- O sa ma vindece doar baia cu noroi?
- Nu, trebuie sa te obisnuiesti cu pamantul!
Superbancuri, root! More! We want more! 
K:
K:
A little boy wanted to know what it was like to have
$100. His mother told him to pray to God for it. He
prayed for two weeks but nothing turned up. Then he
decided perhaps he should write God a letter
requesting the $100.
When the post office received the letter addressed to
God, they opened it and decided to send it to Prime
Minister Howard. The Prime Minister was so impressed,
touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to
send the little boy $10. He thought this would appear
to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $10 and sat down
to write a thank-you letter, which read as follows;
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending me the
money. I noticed that you had to send it through the
government. As usual, those thieving bastards deducted
$90 for tax.
$100. His mother told him to pray to God for it. He
prayed for two weeks but nothing turned up. Then he
decided perhaps he should write God a letter
requesting the $100.
When the post office received the letter addressed to
God, they opened it and decided to send it to Prime
Minister Howard. The Prime Minister was so impressed,
touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to
send the little boy $10. He thought this would appear
to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $10 and sat down
to write a thank-you letter, which read as follows;
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending me the
money. I noticed that you had to send it through the
government. As usual, those thieving bastards deducted
$90 for tax.
FUNNY ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD!
---------------------------------------
Here are some signs and notices written in English that were
discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an
'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by
national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the
boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy
dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose;
beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that
people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live
together in one tent unless they are married with each other
for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby
be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon
having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no
miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed
as a man.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to
it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable
food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are
best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your
room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
---------------------------------------
Here are some signs and notices written in English that were
discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an
'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by
national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the
boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy
dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose;
beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that
people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live
together in one tent unless they are married with each other
for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby
be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon
having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no
miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed
as a man.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to
it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable
food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are
best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your
room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
Un tip vine in vizita la prietenul sau care este paralizat de la briu in jos.
Dupa ce se plimba putin prin gradina, gazdei i se face frig la maini.
"Ai putea sa imi aduci manusile din camera mea?" isi intreaba amicul.
Acesta, plin de solicitudine, da fuga pe scari.
Sus, cele doua fiice ale amicului paralizat finalizau lucrarea de terminare
a liceului. "Buna ziua fetelor! Tatal vostru m-a trimis sus sa facem o partida
de sex in trei", arunca spontan tipul. La care fetele, mirate, raspund:
"Nu se poate!"
"OK sa verificam" spune el, dupa care striga in josul scarilor:
"Pe amindoua?"
"Da... Pe amindoua!"
La un discurs, toata lumea care statea jos se plictisea de moarte. La un moment dat se ridica un barbat si striga in gura mare:
- M**eeeeeee!
- Afara! - ii raspunse omul care tinea discrsul
- Nu, nu, aici sa vada toata lumea!
- M**eeeeeee!
- Afara! - ii raspunse omul care tinea discrsul
- Nu, nu, aici sa vada toata lumea!
Un tip, satul sa-si vada masina sparta de cateva ori pe saptamana, se hotareste sa faca un afis, pe care scrie "Nu va mai chinuiti sa-mi spargeti masina ca nu are casetofon" si il lipeste pe geamul de la masina. A doua zi coboara din scara si constata cu stupoare ca masina disparuse din parcare. In locul ei gaseste un bilet pe care scria: "Nu-i nimic, ii punem noi unul".
root, sa stii ca asta nu e banc.
a patit-o unu in Bv, doar ca nu a gasit un bilet in loc. scria cu creta pe jos
a patit-o unu in Bv, doar ca nu a gasit un bilet in loc. scria cu creta pe jos
Dilema unei blonde: cum se zice corect, Iran sau Iraq ?!
Bubulina si vecina vorbeau.
- Sa sti Bubulina aseara am facut sex cu barbatul meu si i-am pus mana pe coaie,le avea calde sti ce senzatie este sa incerci!
A doua zi Bubulina vine in vizita la vecina cu ochii vineti si batuta mar.
-Ce ai patit Bubulina?
-Pai sa vezi aseara in pat cu Bula i-am pus mana pe coaie!
-Si!
-Si! erau reci si...i-am spus de ce nu le are si el calde ca vecinu
- Sa sti Bubulina aseara am facut sex cu barbatul meu si i-am pus mana pe coaie,le avea calde sti ce senzatie este sa incerci!
A doua zi Bubulina vine in vizita la vecina cu ochii vineti si batuta mar.
-Ce ai patit Bubulina?
-Pai sa vezi aseara in pat cu Bula i-am pus mana pe coaie!
-Si!
-Si! erau reci si...i-am spus de ce nu le are si el calde ca vecinu
ahaahahaa
f bune bancuri. in special ultimu
f bune bancuri. in special ultimu
Nevasta lui Ionescu sta in fata blocului si tipa in gura mare:
Popeascoooooo!!!! Iese Popeasca pe geam : Ce-i fei?
Barbate-miu e la tine? Nu, raspunde Popeasca.
Georgeascoooo!!! Da fei, ce e?
Barbate-miu e la tine? Nu, raspunde Georgeasca. Da' de ce intrebi?
Pai ne-am certat si a zis ca se duce la curve!!!
Popeascoooooo!!!! Iese Popeasca pe geam : Ce-i fei?
Barbate-miu e la tine? Nu, raspunde Popeasca.
Georgeascoooo!!! Da fei, ce e?
Barbate-miu e la tine? Nu, raspunde Georgeasca. Da' de ce intrebi?
Pai ne-am certat si a zis ca se duce la curve!!!
doi moshi:
- aseara am fost la femei!!
-...wow!! shi cum a fost?
-Muuuult mai curat ca la barbatzi!!!
: )))
- aseara am fost la femei!!
-...wow!! shi cum a fost?
-Muuuult mai curat ca la barbatzi!!!
: )))
Misto! 
Un barbat, o femeie shi un soldat naufragiaza pe o insula pustie....
Dupa un timp barbatul se duce la femeie shi ii zice:HAIDE SA IL OMORAM PE SOLDAT ...CA SA PUTEM DUCE SHI NOI O VIATZA SEXUALA NORMALA!
Sta femeia...shi gandeste ce se gandeste: soldatul e mai tanar , e mai viril....se duce la soldat shi ii zice:
HAIDE SA IL OMORAM PE ALA ...CA SA PUTEM DUCE SHI NOI O VIATZA SEXUALA NORMALA!
Sta soldatul ce sta shi ishi zice:CE AR FI SA II OMOR EU PE ASHTIA DOI?...SA POT DUCE SHI EU O VIATZA SEXUALA NORMALA!!
Dupa un timp barbatul se duce la femeie shi ii zice:HAIDE SA IL OMORAM PE SOLDAT ...CA SA PUTEM DUCE SHI NOI O VIATZA SEXUALA NORMALA!
Sta femeia...shi gandeste ce se gandeste: soldatul e mai tanar , e mai viril....se duce la soldat shi ii zice:
HAIDE SA IL OMORAM PE ALA ...CA SA PUTEM DUCE SHI NOI O VIATZA SEXUALA NORMALA!
Sta soldatul ce sta shi ishi zice:CE AR FI SA II OMOR EU PE ASHTIA DOI?...SA POT DUCE SHI EU O VIATZA SEXUALA NORMALA!!
belea:D
o gospodina intalneste o amica la cumparaturi si i se confeseaza:
- stii, nu pot spune ca o duc rau cu sotul meu, dar e mereu fara chef si nu se mai uita la mine aproape deloc ... tot ce e in stare sa-mi spuna cand se intoarce seara acasa e: "ce-i de mancare in seara asta?" ...
- stii, draga mea, toti barbatii sunt la fel, atat de infantili si previzibili. si eu am avut problema ta, dar am rezolvat-o destul de simplu ..
- intr-adevar? si cum ai facut? spune-mi tot, te rog, vreau sa incerc si eu!
- uite: cumpara-ti lenjerie neagra, agresiva si in plus si o masca neagra, sexy ... Ii deschizi imbracata asa si efectul este asigurat!
- nu mai spune! e suficient atat de putin? eh ... voi incerca si eu.
cele doua femei se intalnesc o saptamana mai tarziu, in acelasi loc.
- ei, cum e draga? cum a fost?..
- chiar vrei sa stii? ... deci, s-a intors acasa ... eu i-am deschis usa imbracata cum m-ai sfatuit, iar el mi-a zis:"hei! Zorro! ... ce-i de mancare in seara asta?"
- stii, nu pot spune ca o duc rau cu sotul meu, dar e mereu fara chef si nu se mai uita la mine aproape deloc ... tot ce e in stare sa-mi spuna cand se intoarce seara acasa e: "ce-i de mancare in seara asta?" ...
- stii, draga mea, toti barbatii sunt la fel, atat de infantili si previzibili. si eu am avut problema ta, dar am rezolvat-o destul de simplu ..
- intr-adevar? si cum ai facut? spune-mi tot, te rog, vreau sa incerc si eu!
- uite: cumpara-ti lenjerie neagra, agresiva si in plus si o masca neagra, sexy ... Ii deschizi imbracata asa si efectul este asigurat!
- nu mai spune! e suficient atat de putin? eh ... voi incerca si eu.
cele doua femei se intalnesc o saptamana mai tarziu, in acelasi loc.
- ei, cum e draga? cum a fost?..
- chiar vrei sa stii? ... deci, s-a intors acasa ... eu i-am deschis usa imbracata cum m-ai sfatuit, iar el mi-a zis:"hei! Zorro! ... ce-i de mancare in seara asta?"
Foarte tare!!!!
----
-
Doi tipi voiau sa mearga la baut, dar nu aveau decat un dolar.
Unul din ei se uita catre o toneta cu hot-dog din apropiere
si subit ii vine inspiratia. Cheltuie dolarul pe hot-dog. Arunca chifla si isi baga hot-dog-ul in pantaloni.
- Mergem intr-un bar, comandam doua beri si le bem. Cand barmanul ne va cere banii, eu voi scoate hot-dog-ul pe slit. Tu vei cadea in genunchi si vei incepe sa-l sugi. Barmanul va fi asa scarbit, ca ne va da afara din bar.
Intra ei intr-un bar si chestia merge ca prin farmec. Dupa al saptelea bar, cand amandoi erau beti bine, unul din ei incepe sa se planga:
- Am inceput sa fac vanatai de cate ori m-am aruncat in genunchi!
Prietenul ii raspunse
- Tu zici ca ai probleme? Eu am pierdut hot-dog-ul acum patru baruri!
----
-
Doi tipi voiau sa mearga la baut, dar nu aveau decat un dolar.
Unul din ei se uita catre o toneta cu hot-dog din apropiere
si subit ii vine inspiratia. Cheltuie dolarul pe hot-dog. Arunca chifla si isi baga hot-dog-ul in pantaloni.
- Mergem intr-un bar, comandam doua beri si le bem. Cand barmanul ne va cere banii, eu voi scoate hot-dog-ul pe slit. Tu vei cadea in genunchi si vei incepe sa-l sugi. Barmanul va fi asa scarbit, ca ne va da afara din bar.
Intra ei intr-un bar si chestia merge ca prin farmec. Dupa al saptelea bar, cand amandoi erau beti bine, unul din ei incepe sa se planga:
- Am inceput sa fac vanatai de cate ori m-am aruncat in genunchi!
Prietenul ii raspunse
- Tu zici ca ai probleme? Eu am pierdut hot-dog-ul acum patru baruri!
Culese de pe net....
1.Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
2.Sex is like math: add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and hope you don't multiply.
3.Camouflage condoms: So they won't see you coming.
4.Where is an elephants sex organ? In his feet. If he steps on you, you're f*u*c*k*e*d.
5.- Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!
- Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober.
6.A dog looks up to humans. A cat looks down on people. But a pig will look a human in the eye and see its equal.
7.Tare: Life is like a game of cards. If you don't have a partner, you better have a good hand.
8.Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up too...
Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips."
© Copywrong 1995 - All rights reversed
PS Nu imi sariti daca au mai fost...
1.Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
2.Sex is like math: add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and hope you don't multiply.
3.Camouflage condoms: So they won't see you coming.
4.Where is an elephants sex organ? In his feet. If he steps on you, you're f*u*c*k*e*d.
5.- Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!
- Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober.
6.A dog looks up to humans. A cat looks down on people. But a pig will look a human in the eye and see its equal.
7.Tare: Life is like a game of cards. If you don't have a partner, you better have a good hand.
8.Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up too...
Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips."
© Copywrong 1995 - All rights reversed
PS Nu imi sariti daca au mai fost...
QUOTE
Originally posted by fed_up
1.Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
1.Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Stiu ca e la fun, dar raspunsul ar fi: "pentru a nu se accidenta la cap pana a ajunge la tinta, ceea ce i-ar impedica sa mai fie kamikaze".
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